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Yvette Carnell: 5 Dumbest Excuses Republicans Are Making For Why Romney Lost

by Yvette Carnell In so far as conservatives are concerned, the world ended on election day. Fine, I’ve got no problem with that. Don’t care. What is striking, however, is how many Republicans, in the midst of their meltdown, are making up outlandish excuses for why they didn’t take back the White House. Here are the top five: The electorate ...

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Nomalanga: How Iyanla “Fixed” Broken Wife of Cheating Pastor

By Nomalanga Mhlauli-Moses On Saturday night, I imagine that many people were glued to their television screens to watch the much publicized episode of “Iyanla: Fix My Life” on OWN. For the first time since the show started, I made a deliberate effort to make sure that I tuned in because I could not believe the little bit that I had heard about what the show had in store. Iyanla traveled to Shreveport Louisiana to help a woman “fix” her life after her husband, a pastor, confessed to having slept with at least 20 women during the course of their 10 year marriage. The pastor estimated that about 10 of the mistresses were women who were also members of his church. The pastor had also fathered a child with one of his mistresses who was not only a church member, but was also a married woman when he started an affair with her. Iyanla supported the pastor’s wife through the process of admitting to herself that she wanted to leave but did not do so for two reasons. The first reason was that she enjoyed the benefits that came with being the First Lady and being held in high esteem because of her title. The second reason was that she was terrified of the unknown path that lay ahead of her if she left her husband, the church and the life that she had been living for nearly 11 years. To me, it seemed as though Iyanla was encouraging her to tell her truth and then encouraging her to act on what it seemed she was afraid to act on. While it was very subtle, I did also feel as though Iyanla slightly nudged her towards the direction of leaving, even if not permanently. My interpretation of what Iyanla said to her was that it was obvious that she had to leave. While I have a great deal of love and respect for Iyanla, I am always mindful of the fact that she has been married and divorced three times. That is not said to judge her, but to put some of her advice into perspective. I entirely agreed with her when she gently suggested to the First Lady that she had suffered emotional, psychological and even spiritual abuse at the hands of her preacher husband. Iyanla was right to point out that abuse is not only physical. As surprising as it seems, I am not entirely convinced that the “right” thing to do was for the pastor’s wife to leave her husband. You don’t have to be a Christian to know that when Christians get married, they make vows to each other and among those vows, there is usually some variation of a vow to stick together through “thick and thin” and through “sickness and health”. The complicating factor here is that the pastor admitted to Iyanla that he had been molested- “penetrated by a man” at an age as young as around four to seven years old. The pastor kept that a secret all his life until he told Iyanla and that is the “sickness” that he has been living with. It could be argued that the pastor’s adulterous ways were just a manifestation of the violation that he  suffered as a little boy. He was s*xually abused and then went on to abuse the woman he loved, emotionally, psychologically and, as Iyanla put it, spiritually. I am not suggesting that the pastor should get a “free pass” and neither was Iyanla but I still maintain that while it may seem obvious to some that the pastors wife should leave, it may not be that simple. Being that they are Christians, I imagine that they vowed to stay together “through sickness and health”. When most people exchange vows, they make all kinds of declarations, but what most of them really mean is “I will stay as long as staying does not get too hard”. I am not saying that the pastor’s wife should stay, nor am I saying that she shouldn’t. What I am saying is that it is not as simple as it may seem and my observation is that too many people want to enjoy the “good” in marriage and will leave when the “bad” shows up; they will enjoy the “health” and won’t stick around for the healing when “sickness” shows up. In the end, the pastor and his wife separated. The pastor went for counseling (healing). What will happen after he is “healed”, we may never know. In fact, we will never know if he will even be “healed” or if he will be a lying cheater for the rest of his life. In the end, I hope both the pastor and his wife will find peace and I also hope that they do everything that they can to shelter their children from the “sickness” that crept into their marriage. Nomalanga helps Black Women thrive in their lives and careers. She is a Social Commentator, an Editor at Your Black World , Assistant Professor of Professional Studies and the reigning Mrs Botswana. Visit Nomalanga’s blog at successfulblackwoman.com          

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Why “No Whining” Rule is Vital In the Work Place

The truth is that in any organization, there are going to be people who whine because it is human nature. Most people want to present a positive image of themselves and they will whine, complain, blame others, and try to avoid responsibility in order to do so. People also find it easier to talk about what other people are doing wrong rather than focus on correcting their own wrong behavior. Ron Ashkenas, a senior partner of Schaffer Consulting, a Stamford, Connecticut consulting firm and the author of the book Simply Effective: How to Cut Through Complexity in Your Organization and Get Things Done, suggests that organizations should implement a “no whining” rule. To discourage whining, Ashkenas suggests two mindsets to encourage in your people:   Accountability: First, do not allow your people to present problems without attempting to solve them on their own. If appropriate, they should inform you about what they are doing to avoid any surprises. But the basic idea is that they should do what think necessary to achieve results. There will be times where they may not have the authority or resources to execute the solution — and in those cases they should propose a solution along with their request for help. Positivity: Constantly remind your team to assume positive intent about others. As described above, it’s always easier to blame another function, customer, supplier, colleague — anyone but yourself — for a problem. To counter this inclination, remind your managers that most people don’t wake up in the morning with the goal of making their lives difficult. They are probably just doing their job in the best way they know — and no amount of whining will change that. A more productive path would be to better understand the nature of the problem and move towards creating a joint solution.

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Purposeful Parents: When Your Child Is The Bully

As a parent, hearing that your child is a bully from a teacher or another parent is an extremely uncomfortable and awkward situation to be in. You might wonder why your child behaves like a bully when you try instilling the right values for overall growth and personality development. You might initially reject the idea suggesting that your child bullies other kids. Ignoring or denying the problem, however, will not solve your problem. To ensure your child does not intimidate others around him/her, you need to act. Here are some steps that you need to follow when your child is the bully. Identify What Type of Bullying Your Child Indulges In Identifying the bully is a challenge because such kids act properly in the presence of adults. You should, therefore, follow your child’s actions very closely. Watch how your child behaves in the company of other kids when you are not around. You should also monitor his/her Facebook account and the company he/she keeps. Have a Conversation with Your Child Once you confirm that your child is a bully, you must start a dialogue to explain why such behavior is unacceptable. Instead of confronting the child, you should calmly explain yourself and give an opportunity to make amends. Nicholas Dillon , Life Coach and Counselor says, “If you determine that your child is a bully, it is a good idea to really make sure that your child was not a victim at some point along the way.  Is the child seeking attention that he/she might not be getting at home?  How does the child feel about his self-image? Is he/she trying to fit in with the social crowd?  The key is communicating with the child to really understand their need to bully others.  Make sure that the child is taught some clear personal boundaries not only for himself but; to respect the boundaries of others.  Typically, if a child recognizes that bullying does not solve problems or meet the need he is seeking, the behavior will usually stop.  Bullying gives a child power and creates maladaptive behavior.  If the thoughts and behavior is not fostered or supportive feedback from adults, it should soon fade away.” Find Out the Reason Why Your Child Became a Bully Peer pressure is the most common reason why some kids become bullies. Feeling of being uncared for also triggers in them the need to establish their dominance over the weak. You need to ask yourself if your child has become a bully because he/she doesn’t want to be a victim of the same problem? Does he feel neglected at home? Seek Professional Help If you can’t find a way to bring about any positive change in your child’s behavior, you should consult a professional counselor who can identify the problem and suggest a proper solution. While dealing with this problem, you should avoid intimidating your child by taking excessive measures. Instead, find the real reason behind the problem to help your kid. Towanna B. Freeman is the creator of BlackLifeCoaches.net . She is also a mother of two, community mentor, inspirational speaker, and author of Purposeful Action, 7 Steps to Fulfillment .

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President Barack Obama Wins Re-Election: 5 Things You Can Do Today!

Congratulations to Barack Obama, the 44th President of the United States has won a second term! May every government official no longer age rapidly, sacrifice or work harder than the people they lead and serve are willing to do for themselves. May this nation’s leadership incite followers to do better individually and collectively in every way

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Do Will and Jada Smith Give Their Kids Too Much Freedom?

By Nomalanga Mhlauli-Moses Over a year ago there were some very persistent rumors about some cracks in Will and Jada Smith’s marriage. While the couple dismissed the rumors as lies, sources close to the couple are reported to have hinted that the little rocks that were peeping through the seemingly solid ground that is Will and Jada’s marriage were caused by opposing views in the couple’s approach to parenting. I once watched the couple with their children, on Oprah, and my perception of them is that they really take their job as parents seriously and they recognize that “Hollywood” is a beast that can devour their children if they sleep on the job. Recently, Jada Pinkett Smith did an interview with People Magazine where she discussed what has been described as her controversial parenting style. There are always many opinions surrounding the Smith children, from criticism about her “not-even-a-teen-daughter shaving her hair” to judgements about her children’s gay pride messages and piercings. It seems Mrs. Smith is aware of all the talk and she told People magazine, “I think that old-school style of ‘I’m your parent and I’m greater than you’ doesn’t work. What I establish with my children is a partnership.” While Jada’s  two younger kids are in show business, her stepson, Trey, hasn’t expressed any Hollywood aspirations yet but it seems that if he did, his parents would be okay with it. The Smith children have been very bold about  expressing themselves and showing their own unique  identity in the industry. They tend to be flamboyant  and loud in their expression of fashion, with bold colors and wild haircuts. According to Mrs. Smith, that is the way her and her husband are raising their children-they give them the freedom to express themselves. Jada went on to say, about her children, “We communicate with our kids in a way that our message overpowers any other message that they get out there.” It sounds like the Smiths have found a healthy balance between giving their children order and direction and also allowing them the freedom to explore their unique gits and talents and the world around them.

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The Power Of Affirmations In Four Categories

Affirmations for the purpose of this article are declarations of what you believe to be true or imagine being true. Affirmations can be uttered and repeated vocally or mentally. Affirmations are used to validate judgment and re-enforce conviction of core beliefs, values and emotions. Affirmations strongly influence how we each approach life starting in infancy.

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Mr. President: We Had Your Back Last Night, So Now It’s Time to Have Ours

by Dr. Boyce Watkins The extraordinary win in the tough fought battle for the White House was certainly one for the ages.  In spite of all he’s had to overcome, America’s first black president was able to walk across the stage with his wife and daughters to celebrate another four years in office.  The party started last night, and we ...

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