By: Jasmine Cochran
Tyrese pissed some people off.
I understand the anger. He went online and ranted about women that left a sour taste in people’s mouths, and they let that sourness run their through fingers in snapbacks of epic proportions.
However, Tyrese came back and apologized. And it wasn’t one of these one-line, P.R. apologies, either. When I read it, I felt it was respectable. While it’s easy to come down hard on people when they let asininity roll off their tongues or fingertips so easily, is that the best use of our time? Let’s take a few moments and consider alternative responses to heat-inducing situations.
We could choose to not give it any energy at all.
We don’t even know Tyrese. I mean, seriously, we don’t. We know his music, and we know what his image-creators have presented to us, but be honest. How much bearing does what Tyrese have to say have on your life? Ask yourself these questions: Is Tyrese my husband? Is Tyrese my son? Is Tyrese my father or brother? If the answer to these questions is no, then Tyrese’s opinions don’t really affect you. Things (and people) like this disappear if you ignore them. Let it go.
We could forgive quickly and easily, because anger only serves to destroy us.
If you’re mad at Tyrese, you’re likely not mad at him, per se, but at the collective male mindset that views women the way that he expressed in his post. Someone in your life has probably hurt you with this attitude, and you’ve yet to heal from that hurt. We’ve heard it before: Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. If we want to avoid bitterness within ourselves and pursue life with the most freedom and joy possible, we have to learn the art of letting go of hurt. Forgiving someone is essentially saying, “I choose to not hold you responsible for paying a penance for the pain you inflicted on me.” When we do that, we issue freedom to everyone involved, and our spirits have room to flourish.
We could use this as an opportunity to practice awareness and the art of responding, instead of reacting.
Eckart Tolle, author of A New Earth, writes at length about this concept. He describes awareness as “watching our thoughts,” or being the presence that notices and observes the thoughts that run through out minds. When we do this, we provide a buffer between what happens within us and our external responses. That extra buffer works wonders. If gives us a moment to see ourselves and to decide if we will act upon the initial surge of emotions that a situation evokes, or if we will breathe and respond out of our truest, highest selves. If we choose to respond, more often than not, we will act in love instead of anger and hurt. That, in turn, would create more love and understanding, instead of friction and misunderstanding. I know it’s a lofty concept for the whole world to operate this way, but you don’t have to control the world—you just have to control yourself.
So what do you think? Can we take Tyrese at his apology, or does he need to do more to dig himself out of the hole he Instagrammed himself into?
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Jasmine believes in love, presence, and justice. She also believes in communication, so leave a comment!