Black Relationships

Do You Like Who You Are?

By Kimberly Hudson-Grey

There was a really powerful scene on The Young And Restless not long ago. The character Devon was talking about his turbulent relationship with his wife, Hilary to his Dad, Neil. She lied, schemed, and manipulated him throughout their marriage. He described her as toxic. This scene followed after Devon was released from the hospital, recuperating from a major car accident, an accident that was the result of an argument with Hilary. The argument enraged him to the point of driving recklessly on an icy road with no regard to his safety or to anyone else’s.

In his script, a few thing he said really struck a chord with me. For instance, “I gave so many second chances I’ve lost count.” But he continued, “That’s not who I am, I don’t do stuff like that. That’s not me…My relationship with her has been destroying this family and me since the beginning. I wake up, I look in the mirror, I don’t even like the person I’ve become. I shouldn’t feel like that, that’s not OK. this has to end.” The really sad and unfortunate thing is that even though Devon and Hilary are fictitious characters, his situation is probably very real to many people. The feeling is obvious when you’ve begun to lose yourself. Acknowledge it as instinct or your intuition. So, my question to you is, do you like who you are in your relationship?

Hopefully, the answer to this question is yes. Yes to knowing your worth and the value you bring to a relationship. So, if you find yourself dissatisfied and disappointed with yourself in a relationship, any relationship, be it with a sibling, coworker, friend or even a parent and you find that you’re making regretful decisions because of their influence, then maybe it’s time to examine why.

Do this – look inward and be honest. Are you going along just to get along ignoring every red flag that’s chipping away at your self-identity? Are you someone who can’t say no to drama and wretchedness? Recognize the red flags because ignoring them won’t make them go away. As a matter of fact, they’ll get worse as time goes on.

I encourage you to be fearless enough to make sound reasonable decisions for your own well being. After all, what is your reward for being influenced by an individual? Be free from toxicity and learn to say no to losing yourself in your relationships. Of course, in the scenario above, Devon and Hilary were married. And despite statistics, it’s not that easy to escape a toxic marriage. Counseling may be recommended.

Kimberly Hudson-Grey is the Lead Visionary with Manifesting You – Follow her on Twitter @kimthevisionary. You can reach her by email at

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