Black Relationships

Dr. Sinclair N. Grey III – 6 Signs of A Toxic Relationship

Let’s face it – being single has its advantages and disadvantages. With so many people single because of various reasons, the need to embrace oneself is critical to remaining healthy emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically. It doesn’t matter where you are in life, the need to understand that being single allows you to examine as well as re-evaluate what’s important to you should help you know what you will and will not accept in a relationship.

In counseling individuals, I come into contact with many people who are in toxic relationships. That’s right; toxic because the relationship is draining and depleting a person of their energy and creativity. Both men and women have told me how hard it is to remain in a relationship that’s toxic. While every relationship does require work, the last thing you should have to deal with is another person’s toxic behavior and attitude. Just dealing with it can ruin a relationship and in many cases, it can cause an individual to become bitter to the concept of dating.

Staying away from toxic relationships means you have to see the signs. Here are some signs you need to look out for:

  • Jealousy. A jealous person will try to compete for your attention. They won’t understand that you have things to do and can’t be around them all of the time. Comments such as ‘you spend so much time working’ and ‘you’re always busy’ are signs they’re competing for your time. A jealous person will act like a child and throw tantrums
  • Insecurity.This person questions where you’re going, who you’re talking to, and why you have so many friends of the opposite s*x, just to name a few. They want to look through your emails and phone because they have nothing better to do than to bring misery upon you because they don’t like and/or love themselves. In a real sense, they are so concerned you’re going to leave them for someone else
  • Goal-less. A person who has no goals won’t stimulate your mind and you’ll eventually find yourself becoming bored, frustrated, aggravated, and agitated. Check this out – a goal-less person makes no plans, has no vision, and simply goes on the path, ‘whatever God wants me to do, I’ll do.’ I can’t stress this enough – a goal-less person is toxic.
  • Lack of Communication. Without effective communication, a relationship is headed for disaster. Whenever there’s a breakdown in open and honest communication, assumptions occur which leads to drama being planted into the relationship. When your partner gives half-truths, that’s a sign. People who have nothing to hide will be truthful.
  • No Personal Development. Sadly and shamefully, so many people are stuck on stupid which means they’re satisfied with mediocrity. They don’t want better for themselves because to want better means they will have to make some drastic decisions. If you’re a person that values personal as well as professional development and your partner doesn’t, you will outgrow them and it will eventually show.
  • Negative Words.What I mean by this is they speak words of doubt and fear into every situation. To quote Scripture, it is said, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue and those who love it will eat its fruit.”

Life is too short to deal with toxic people. Just dealing with life’s challenges, one should not have to deal with a relationship that’s toxic. As I mentioned, a relationship does take work, but when you find yourself miserable and having to deal with foolishness and nonsense, it’s best to throw up your hands and say, ‘see ya, don’t want to be with ya.’

Dr. Sinclair Grey III is a minister, speaker, author, and success coach. Contact him on or Twitter @drsinclairgrey

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