Wife Complains to ‘Essence’ Magazine About Her Husband Using Racial Slurs During S*x

by Yvette Carnell

A woman who identifies herself only as “Black and Proud”, something she’s obviously not, wrote  Essence magazine to complain about black woman's bodyher nice, rich white husband using racial slurs during s*x:

My man keeps calling me a “n!gger b!tch” during s*x and I hate it.

She hits us with that nugget first, then continues:

The first time he let the n-word drop was during s*x on our honeymoon. When I reacted negatively, he explained that a Black woman he dated in the past enjoyed being called racial slurs. Another time he joked that he had purchased my freedom. He also speculated about whether his family could have owned mine because I have “good hair.” Then he made jokes about my p*bic hair. He called it my “negro bush” and referred to himself as a “n!gger lover.” He says I am being overly sensitive because he loves me to death and should get a “Black pass” for marrying me.

And to finish things off, she throws shade at all black men:

Unlike all of the Black men I dated in the past, my husband is generous, loyal, committed and considerate.

This is the sort of nonsense that clogs my newsfeed.

Anyway, Abiola Abrams answers “Black and Proud”, who Abrams refers to as “queen”, with the sort of self-empowerment speech you’d expect. Truth is, however, “Black and Proud” could use a bit more straight talk and a lot less sympathy.

If this story is true (doubtful), then the woman writing into Essence asking for advice, whom I will refer to only as “Stupid”, deserves exactly what she is getting. If you read carefully, you’ll see that Stupid’s biggest concern is “not working” and “maintaining her new lifestyle”. Hence, she needs to get over it and become “n!gger bitch” in bed. She knew he had this fantasy. It did not just crop up like a bad bugga-boo on their honeymoon night. No way.

She needs to stop pretending she is turned off, and if she is it was way before this and now all she is worried about is money. She won’t get much of her banker husband’s investments after only 1 year of marriage. Better stick it out. Drop some babies. Wear earplugs. Cut the ‘good hair’. Start wearing do-rags and ‘blacker-face’ to bed… you know, make being n!gger b!tch fun!

No matter what she does, she should stop wasting the time of Essence editors and women of color with her nonsense. We have real issues to worry about.

Yvette Carnell is a former Capitol Hill and campaign staffer turned writer. She is currently an editor and contributor to Yourblackworld. You can reach Yvette via Twitter @YvetteDC or on Facebook.




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  1. Provide fruit some additional your rind. “Let your child enable make all of the vegetables and fruits weather conditions . food preparation.
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  2. Why complain that’s exactly what you are a “Nigger Bitch” for even marrying this cracker.

    I’ll go one better “Nigger Whore” try that on for size.

    No gives a fuck about your cracker husband calling you a Nigger Bitch during sex cause that’s exactly what you are.


  4. this is what happens when you mingle with the Devil. every since they came from the Caucus mountain of europe, they been fuckin shit up..white people instituted racism after the re-constructive era, we should of listen to marcus garvey. and seperated ourselves them them barbarrick devils.

  5. This if for the women who claim to date and marry white men. oh please that is what they want you to think. It is part of their plan to exterminate us as a people. I don’t care how nice they are I am going to go with my experience. I am going to judge them by Their actions and I mean as a race of people why don’t they together do something about racism. Why don’t they change racism. The accountant who does the payroll and see that blacks get paid less for the same work and have the same qualification as white they can change that. The nurse, the doctor, the pharmacist, the teacher, the hiring officer in those various work establishment they can affect change; the realestate person, the EMT AND EMS worker, the police officers who see abuse not only of blacks but abuse period. The entertainment industry the stealing of talent and of our people. the communication industry. The Senator, the lawyer’s who see the abuse of the law and omission of information which lands blacks in jail. The prosecutors, the court officers, the correction officers. The people who are responsible for the curriculum in the schools, they can put true african history in those books, the bible scholars can tell the truth about the bible and religions and their origins. yes the white race can change racism if they wanted to. The white race is ignorant because they have been fed lies about themselves and others. yes some people will still have hate but an inform people both black and white about each other the truth and nothing but the truth no matter how ugly. know the truth and the truth will make you free. White people can change racism overnight if they wanted to as a people. why because they have if nothing else the ability to come together for a cause if they wanted to. We have never call them and put them to the test. We don’t need them to march with us. We want them as a people to demand change of the policies that their forefathers enacted which created the environment that exist today. We don’t need apologies from them. They have to put their words into action. Nothing less than that. We don’t want to hear that they march with Dr. King, or they were and are for civil rights. We want them to eliminate the need for civil rights laws by just eliminate those policies and practices that create the need for civil rights laws. How about putting vocational education back into the schools; in predominantly black areas, and stop letting the construction/building industry control what our children learn. putting Home Economics back into the schools. These are some of the things that whites can change, since they are the one’s making those decisions. Oh let us not forget the foster care agency, the drugging of our children with heavy narcotic drugs.
    those policies are made by people who are not of our race. the white race can effect change there. Stop dancing with them and put them to the real test and let all see them and who they truly are .are they different from their forefathers. If you forefather did wrong then you as their offspring have the right and obligation to correct and rectify that wrong. No they cannot do anything about the rapping of our women and men, but the laws and policies and practices that created racism, that The White Race can change.

  6. Yes there are zombies in the church.
    question What two places you find a cross being used.
    the cemetery and the church.
    one have physically dead bodies and the other have mentally dead bodies.
    Where do zombies come from the cemetery.

  7. massa is assessing his merchandise whether you are really black and proud,as you probably tell him everytime he showers you with those loving words so he thinks. He is assessing what is freedom to you, what is your worth, since we the black race have come through a hell of an experience at the hand of his great, great, great,great-granddaddy. You know after the force labor of our ancestors which put us at such a disadvantage financially with white men and white women you have the audacity to criticize our men and compare them to your rich nigger bitch loving white man as he refer to you and what he called himself. My sister you are clearly ignorant of self and kind, and you are also ignorant of your so called nigger loving bitch husband or should I say master whose freedom he bought as the information given to us by you. Please tell me that you are not planning to have children with this man,if so what about them, how is he going to refer to them, what if some of them comes out more to the white side and some are more black in physical appearance, how is this racist man going to treat his children, you don’t have to wonder we have the evidence right among us, the light skinned against the dark skinned, the so called good hair vs the nappy hair. Girl you seems to care about the money, so be a good house nigger wench and enjoy the money as well as the degrading of not only you but the degrading of all those of your ancestors who had to put up with this kind of behaviour from this kind of low life of a humanoid being.
    Answer me this question, were and are you a slave? who did he bought you from? How much did he pay for your freedom? These are question we need to know so we can filed a lawsuit against those who are still practicing slavery. woman My sister wake the you know what up, and stop being so stupid and ignorant. Ignorant is simply ignoring the facts, which you are. honestly I don’t think that a black woman who pride herself would stand for that. I take this with a grain of salt.

  8. sheila forest scott

    stupid is what stupid does.
    why complain you got what you asked for ,i would have put him in check from day one.



  10. Reginald Duane Thurman

    Lmao! You wanted the rich white man there you go. When he says dance nigger and I put the er in there cause you know he's not calling you a nigga. You wanted him you got him have fun nigger bitch!

  11. He has waved all the RED FLAGS!

  12. When you lay with animals, sometimes you get a lot more than you bargained for. This woman is an idiot, and there’s so many like her out there. But I guess it’s O.K. for a white man to degrade his black wife if he’s paying the bills and gives her security. She got what she wanted ,now she has to live with it. You two belong together because you obviously both secretly hate black people. Enjoy your life you ignorant b!@#$h!!!!!

  13. These backwards ass, self-hating black women can have all the white men they want. Who needs them lol.

  14. If any of this story is true, the wife would have seen signs that her husband-to-be was a racist before they said “I do.” We see what we want to see and hear what we want to hear. He is “loyal” and “considerate”? On what planet? Perhaps, she just wants to flaunt the fact that she has “good hair,” an indication of self-hatred. You hair is “good” if it is manageable and not dry, you can get the ‘do you want or it’s short enough to give you a sexy look with a good cut. It’s what’s inside the head that matters more than the hair on the outside.

  15. That is the funniest thing ive read in years and Essence magazine advice was right on point. She likes and she knows and if she doesn't who cares. She made the decision so stop decrying the results. That's who I only date Black queens, because if a white women ever called me that it would be the last time she said it.(lol).

  16. you got exactly what you deserve,and personally i dont believe this just started happening.you knew exactly who this man was when you was trying to get his money.well looky looky,this is how you pay !!!

  17. She got married for the money and not for true love, so she is getting exactly what she asked for. If this story is true, I feel sorry for her that she gave up on trying to find real true love no matter what race the man could have been.

  18. Peter D. Slaughter

    Think of it like this ?
    All the people who call us names really want to be us.

  19. Laugh out loud.., This writer has jokes “Wear earplugs” Do mammy role play huh?.. Git paid girl.. As much as I hate married people who make their relationships pubic., I’d wonder if this story is fact or fiction also…

  20. would she feel better if the words came from a Black man.. Black people can’t claim “nigger” any more. Everybody is using it and it doesn’t refer to Black people like it used to. let them have it, we had it long enough..

  21. You’d have to be fairly gullible to believe this story to be true.

    • @Lili

      I totally believe her. About 15 years ago, I worked in an all white environment with this one White female who was married to a Black man. You WOULDN’T BELIEVE the racist things this woman said about her Black husband to these other White people. If I stated her comments here, it would be deleted!!

      She would have the audacity to look to me to confirm her racists sick views when we were sitting together at lunch talking; I being the only Black person present.

      Whites are “sick” in that way.

    • This type of incident has happened before. Remember Dr. Laura?


    • THANK YOU THANK YOU why do some of us try to be with them when they really don’t want you.

  23. Have fun, lady. You got what you picked.

  24. I don’t think this story was written by a black person. I think it was written by a white person to get a reaction out of people.

  25. I don’t think this story was written by a black person. I think it was written by a white person to get a reaction out of people.

  26. Herman Hawkins Jr.

    Did this woman get coerced or duped into this marriage? She is a trophy for a white man ala Sally Hemmings to Thomas Jefferson. His use of the N– word only reinforces that.

  27. Essence is white owned, probably some white exec living out is fantasy with this fake letter. This is Sara Baartman all over again!

  28. Love doesn’t come in any one color! But, Racism seems to cover all colors!

  29. Love doesn’t come in any one color! But, Racism seems to cover all colors!

  30. Love doesn’t come in any one color! But, Racism seems to cover all colors!

  31. LOL. I have read most of the comments and you all make me sick. I hear black women calling themselves, their friends and others B**** all the time!!!!!! Infact I see it printed on jeans and t-shirts. Heaven forbid you watch Basketball Wives or some of the other fake reality TV show. What gansta’ rapa’ does call “all” females B***** and hoes. Who hasn’t danced to the song “Freak like me”. Isn’t Lil’ Kim the “Queen B****? I see women disrespecting themselves even worse on Facebook everyday. She ain’t no golddigger. She just don’t want no broke n****. Clearly she is in the wrong relationship but she is getting paid….Don’t be a hypocrite!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  32. The N-word poem
    (Don’t call me nigger)

    Speak -truth to power
    And watch them castrate
    Any and every so-called
    Nigger,they love to hate

    For it is not and can
    Not be a term of love
    No matter whose mouth
    It might come out of.

    The word nigger is
    And always will be
    A weapon in the arsenal
    Of Racism-White-Supremacy.

    Generations come and go
    Thru many ages in time
    But Nigeria aterm that
    Can never be redefined.

    So I’d like to be the
    One to pull the trigger
    On the over-due death
    Of the N-word,nigger.

    Copyright 2006
    All rights reserved

  33. Writing to Essence ain’t gonna help this fool!!!
    My question is why she didn’t lay down the rules BEFORE they tied the knot? Stupid is as stupid does!
    I find it interesting though the black women above justifying their jungle love by throwing black men under the bus: NEWSFLASH: YOU CHOOSE SORRY BLACK MEN. Smh at the self hatred IMBEDDED in your comments. LOSERS.

  34. People should have who they want but when I think of how these nasty stinking old European men used to rape enslaved helpless African women whom they thought were less than them that I cannot forget.Imagine having someone whom you abuse, you put to cook for you and your fasmily.Imagine raping a woman whom you think is less than a human being but you leave your wife to rape her.Thomas Jefferson had six children with his wife sister Sally Hemmings. He took her since she was 14. Jefferson Davis head of the confederacy had his wife sister as his mistress.These were African enslaved helpless women.Check that out and that is only some of the things that happened.Violating a poor womans body like that is worse than murder or burglary. Think about it.

  35. I have been with my husband almost 39 years. He is White. What goes on in one’s bedroom is strictly private. I think this woman just wants everyone to know that she is married to a White man. It is no big deal. You cannot help who you fall in love with. She sounds very young and quite stupid. I am extremely happy in my marraige and just the thought of writing to Essense or any other magazine with this type of nonsense is merely a cry for attention. My advice: GROW UP!!

  36. I do not believe that this is a real post. I have dated nothing but white men since my divorce from my sorry black husband and my beautiful black women let me tell you that you have no idea how well you could be treated until you date a white man. The wonderful white man that I am engaged to marry is my match in every way. He is educated , career minded , family oriented , kind and giving just like me. Ladies do not belive that article it is a lie. White men who date and marry black women are some o the kindess considerate men out there.

    • Please don’t no real brotha want a defile slut like you or any so call sister that sleep with white trash

    • I have been married to my wonderful, black king for almost ten wonderful years. Please do not paint all black men with one sweeping brush – there are some strong, wonderful brothers out there who will treat you well. It is your choice to marry who you married, but don’t discredit my choice.

  37. This kind of thing happens to black males as well, I know of several males who have been called “n**ers” by their white wives and sex partners.

    In fact, one male said that his white wife and the children he had with her call him “n**er” all the time and he just brushes it off

    this is what happens when a people have been braintrashed into hating ourselves and each other and put whites on a pedestal

    the media has been promoting IR sex/marriage for several years as a “better” alternative to loving each other and ourselves and unfortunately, too many of us have fallen for the bait, not asking why is the media doing this?

    time to wake up and open our eyes and see that our only allies are each other– and we need to learn how to treat each other with care and respect

    before it is too late!

  38. I feel sorry for her. The poor lady is pouring out her heart and all she gets is jumped on. Give her some love y’all!!!

    • Give her love she needs to love herself first and than she want be letting no pos disrespecting her

  39. I feel sorry for her. The poor lady is pouring out her heart and all she gets is jumped on. Give her some love y’all!!!

  40. I feel sorry for her. The poor lady is pouring out her heart and all she gets is jumped on. Give her some love y’all!!!

  41. I feel sorry for her. The poor lady is pouring out her heart and all she gets is jumped on. Give her some love y’all!!!

  42. I feel sorry for her. The poor lady is pouring out her heart and all she gets is jumped on. Give her some love y’all!!!

  43. I feel sorry for her. The poor lady is pouring out her heart and all she gets is jumped on. Give her some love y’all!!!

  44. This is nothing to me, I have seen worst than this when it comes to relationships like this one this sister is into. I used to leave in Europe, I have seen black women been pimped by their so call white husbands. If you go to places like Holland in the city Amsterdam work passed the red light district you will see some of our sisters in cages (show rooms) with a little bar on the side.
    For those of you who have never had the chance of leaving the shores of America you think this new.
    This is what happens when the world have found out that some of our sisters are materialistic, they give them the materials they yearn for in returned they can be used as their property to have their fantasies. This is happening every day some just keep it under the rocks. It is this materialism and “money in my mind” mentality that leads to so many of our sisters in the porn industry and guess who owns all these studious that make these movies?
    Low self esteem, inferiority complex and materialism is some our sisters leads to this and this has been going on since the beginning of their relationship, it only now that she is tired of it she brings this out in the open looking for sympathy.
    You older black woman you really need to talk to these young women of today, their lack of self pride is unbelievable today. After all black women have been through; I for one cannot understand why our sisters continue to stoop so low. I tell you this sisters, you will never see a Jews woman go to bed with a Nazi because they have a sense of history and they can remember very well what the Nazi did to them. We are the only race of people how are so forgiven to a people that have hurt us the most.

  45. Some will do anything for financial security. You apparently have low self esteem.

  46. If the letter is true, it seems she simply married an out-and-out racist, and that’s it. I am white, and married to a proud, black woman, and I would never use that word with her or anybody else, or even joke with her in a racially insensitive way like he does. There is definitely something wrong with him, and definitely something wrong with her for marrying such a bigot.
    Glenn in the Bronx, NY

    • Really? You would not, do not, have not or not anymore? What about your family, friends and co-workers? Why are you married to a black female and your fascination with the black world? Has “your” black wife commented or confirmed that she is with you voluntarily as well as for reasons other than finances, false hope and involuntarily loss of freedom.

  47. Wow, could this be the reason I no longer subscribe to essences? This BS Would never appear in O, Vogue or any other reparable magazine.

  48. I cannot believe she wrote Essence about this. They are both stupid, why would you marry someone if you are going to make racist comments to them? And marry someone like that? It shows how much you think you are worth.

    • My point exactly what black woman would complain to any black magazine about racist slurs her white husband throws at her.I would be too embarrased to let anyone know that he said these horrible things and then she goes on to praise him as well.It is Websites like this that love to get attention and get a racist dialouge going.The name behind the article let me know not to buy into it.

  49. This sounds like the kind of prank letter the boys from Yale used to send to Ann Landers years ago.

  50. Obviously, she has no self-esteem and deserves every word. Tramp!

  51. That woman is flawless- beautiful, right body, height, clean and right color of skin and hair. I don’t know why her husband calls her those names she is an angel. He needs counseling. I hope I am not harassing her calling her beautiful.

  52. Waist of time. I don’t believe this story is true.

  53. Nothing seems authentic about this letter. It was probably written by a Black man who may be sleeping white like so many are but don not want Black woman to chose that option.

  54. This is a propaganda letter. It was written expressly to shame and fear black women from dating and marrying outside their race. Don’t believe it. I have dated wealthy white and Asain men and none None behaved this way. I am have been married to a wonderful white man for 20 years and never Never has he said anything out of turn to me. Ladies, the wealth you can marry will/can far exceed what you could ever earn. Do Not Be Fooled.

  55. This is a propaganda letter. It was written expressly to shame and fear black women from dating and marrying outside their race. Don’t believe it. I have dated wealthy white and Asain men and none None behaved this way. I am have been married to a wonderful white man for 20 years and never Never has he said anything out of turn to me. Ladies, the wealth you can marry will/can far exceed what you could marry. Do Not Be Fooled.

  56. That is really stupid, she sold her soul to a wealthy white man. But i was wondering when he gets that 7 year itch. Will she be a loving wife? Just saying

  57. *whole issue….

    Hate typing from my phone…

  58. Why did the editors of Essence choose to print such a ridiculous letter. I’m sure there must be more relevant questions posed to the experts. I think this while issue can be pointed back to the “white” powers that be, who are at the helm of Essence. Why would any editor waste precious space on something that 1. Sounds made up and 2. Probably only affects .00000000001 of the black female population.

  59. That is way to much, she had to see this or heard this before marriage….he would of been let go before marriage…Never have been their , but I always thought that dealing with a white guy would be degrading,to a black woman self worth .. expecially in the bedroom or if they get mad at the woman….Those are the wrong words to use period.

  60. Apparently not Zombies in the Church. She makes sure to mention mistreatment by black males (though "brothers" have nothing to do with the White Supremacist she married). She left them and married Willie White Supremacist, so no she won't take it from a black male but will take it from massa so long as he throws some change her way.

  61. I have been in a relationship with an older white male and yes sadly enough. He was just that, he was a racist at heart. he was the type that woyuld say things like " i hate mexicans because that is where all america's money is going and then turn around to me and say but thats not the case with you because we brought u guys here" and then get mad when i go off on his ass. needless to say i really do understans what the girl is talking about in this story, and yeah his racist veiws been showed up before they were married. It is really hard though when you have experienced many african american men that have done you wrong, and then you go with a white man that treats you SO RIGHT. At times, i have found myself wondering should i go because he is very low key racist, or should i stay because he treats me simply like a queen. In the end, i had left because it was just too much and lets just say that he will be more careful about what type of blk girl he will date in the future because obviously I was just too intelligent to let his racist views pass over my hear with a smile. where his other black girlfriends would be ok with him using the "N" word as funny slang that him and his white buddies share for fun. I definitely see this ladies trouble and i can identify why this upset some people. The problem with this story is that their are some many variables and deeper issues that needs to be addressed in this ladies scenario that because of ignorance people are refusing to acknowledge…i

  62. Carol Parks I suspect that you are a Racist yourself. I see that everytime someone discusses what happens to BLACK FEMALES you do the usual Racist (White Supremacist) dance of dragging in the "We are the world, universalism Rainbow" BS to focus it on EVERYONE except the black people being talked about, which is something I have noticed White people specifically doing where black people are concerned. Inserting yourself and the cripples and the gays and the cats with ten toes to distract from the issues SPECIFIC to black people where Racism (White Supremacy) is concerned. You cannot name FIVE pornographic websites where Black males (Victims of Racism) degrade White Women (Racist Suspects) for being white and urinate on them, deficate on them, force them to do things while hurling Racist (White Supremacist) insults at them for being White and force them to eat vomit and urine and slap and beat them and force them to eat watermelon, and chicken or crawl around like cave people since they always claim Neanderthal ancestry. Cut the bull . I suspect you are a Racist who has a black person at home in the bed that you are sexually sewering and every time you are around black people who would attempt to have truthful discussions about Racism (White Supremacy) you are on your Racist duties as a member of the White team to confuse, distract and make sure that the Victims of Racism cannot ever have a constructive conversation about what Racism (White Supremacy) is and HOW it works. You play your position in the White Race well.

  63. This article on YourBLACKworld is NOT about "women of all colors' but BLACK WOMEN. Why do you keep dragging all kinds of OTHER women into a discussion about what a BLACK woman experiences? Can we have our OWN discussions about US without YOU attempting to dilute the conversation with everyone ELSE?

  64. I am with you D.c. though I understand that a White person never has to call you a name to be mistreating you. Often the Victims of Racism (White Supremacy) don't even totally understand all the ways in which we are mistreated. She is stupid, but I don't see her feeling her way toward divorce. This silly female is talking about bringing children into the world with this White Supremacist for him to abuse. That's sick. She sees "generosity" as the giving of THINGS, not the giving or respect and love. That's why she continued on with him.

  65. HERE WE GO AGAIN WITH THAT 'WOMEN OF ALL COLORS" SHYT you love putting behind every comment on this site for BLACK PEOPLE. Do you have a life outside of patrolling or TROLLING sites for Black people Carol Parks? I notice it says "Top Commenter" next to your name on this site. As a White woman, what is your interest in putting in so much time commenting on stories meant for BLACK PEOPLE (Victims of Racism/White Supremacy). What is your assigned position on the team of White Supremacist other than attempting to cause confusion?

  66. shut your dumb ass up..no where in my post did I mention race. your silly ass took the comment to mean race..i suggest you sit down and give your mind a rest.

  67. Atarah Dymally-Williams

    ANNOYING!! 'm sure he was doing all of these things bfore he walked her "negro bush" down the aisle…so she needs shut it